


Reverse

by Ikari_no_Koe



Category: Bleach
Genre: Actually depends on the way you read it, Implied Relationships, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Spoilers for Fullbringer Arc, Ten Songs Meme
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-21
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:38:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ikari_no_Koe/pseuds/Ikari_no_Koe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles centered around Shinji Hirako, written as an answer to the Ten Songs Meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. This Suffering

**Author's Note:**

> First complete Bleach fanfic here! I haven't written a lot these past few months because real life has been really busy for me... But I needed to let out some steam this weekend, so I took one of those fic meme challenges floating around AO3.
> 
> The challenge was as it follows: 1. Pick a character/pairing/fandom you like, 2. Turn the music player on and turn it on shuffle, 3. Write a drabble or ficlet related to each song it plays, only you only have the timeframe of the song to write it.
> 
> I chose Shinji Hirako as my character, and I wasn't even gonna post it, but I liked some of them and thought, what the hell. All relationships are implied - you can read them as romantic or not. 
> 
> First one's based on This Suffering, by Billy Talent.

"Would you stand by me if I needed you, Sousuke?"

He will never be fooled. He's seen the coldness behind the warm brown eyes, the coldness which has cost the previous captain his life.

"Would you be true?"

He knows the polite smile and the thoughtful words are lies.

"Would you stand by me?" _Or bury me?_

He'll never catch Shinji off guard, even if it drives Shinji insane. He will never get to watch Shinji die.

"Would you?"

And yet sometimes—

"Of course, Hirako-taichou."

Sometimes he just closes his eyes and wishes he could believe Sousuke for a moment.


	2. A Quiet Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the weakest ones, mainly because I couldn't really fit the song with Shinji, but, since the other ones are there, this one should be too. My headcanon says that Shinji has a guilt complex over what happened with the Vizards, and, to atone for it, he does his hardest to help everyone cope - often forgoing his own feelings in the process.
> 
> Drabble's based on A Quiet Mind, by Blue October.

No one's ever asked him to do anything.

No one's ever asked him to reverse his scowl into a smile, to cut his hair before anyone else to show them they need to adapt, to always have a joke and a promise of revenge on his lips.

He does it anyway, and sometimes he can feel himself slowly crumbling under the pressure, under the burden of what he thinks (he's sure) is his fault.

It never shows.

And yet – yet it must show, because sometimes they are silent, and they smile, and it's the only thing he needs to stay sane.


	3. Death

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a funny one, though the song itself isn't funny; it's based on Death, by White Lies. I just took the "fear of flying" aspect of the song and let the reflection about life and death slide - can't do much in one hundred words. Since all the other drabbles are angsty, I'm not really sorry about it.

"I don't want to do this," Shinji says between his teeth, hands holding the armrests in tension.

"They've been flying those things for a while now," Kisuke says, fanning himself in the seat by his side. "It's perfectly safe."

"Coming from you, that's far from reassuring."

Kisuke laughs, but thankfully manages to keep his mouth shut as the plane takes off – and Shinji grows whiter by the second, keeping his eyes tightly shut.

"Hirako-san. Hirako-san," Kisuke calls when the plane has finished taking off. "Look."

Underneath them, the sky is wide and endless, and, for a moment, Shinji's fear disappears.


	4. Goodbye for Now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I'm aware they're on speaking terms now, I have this headcanon that, when Shinji accepted the post of 5th Division Captain, he and Hiyori had a falling out. I think the Vizards were offered their positions not long after Aizen's trial (Soul Society was in shambles, they would have wanted replacements as fast as they could have them), and Shinji, who is very aware of himself, must have understood that, if he stayed on the Human World, he would never have been able to move on from Aizen. I don't think Hiyori could have understood this - not at first - which must have made that change all the more painful to Shinji.
> 
> This one is based on P.O.D.'s Goodbye for Now.

It's a maddening feeling, that one; that even though everything should just be over, and their lives about to start again, he is still making the same mistakes.

"I have to," he tells her, his tone half-pleading. "I need to do that."

And Hiyori doesn't understand, of course she doesn't. Like him, like the rest of them, she's still stuck in their old haze of people cut off from the world. She cannot leave in the same way he's trying to.

She cries, and swears, and yells her head off, but he closes his ears. He needs to move on.


	5. Perfect World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Continuing with the theme of Shinji and Hiyori's falling out, why would Hiyori be angry at Shinji? Because Hiyori hates Soul Society (I think she especially hates how Central 46 condemned them all to death after they were turned), I don't think she could have overcome that hate so easily, even after their brief alliance, and she and Shinji have been together for a long, long while (Hikifune is surprised when she sees Shinji and Hiyori's not with him). There's no way she could have taken Shinji leaving to Soul Society well, it would have felt too much like abandonment.
> 
> This one is based off Billy Talent's Perfect World.

She hates him with a violence, just then. She hates him like she never hated Aizen, like she never hated anyone else  _ever._

She comes back home and screams under the embarrassed eyes of the other Vizards; she kicks things around, rips posters off the walls, tears photographs to shreds.

She doesn't need him, she yells. She never did.

She keeps telling herself that late at night, stomach sick from so much crying, wishing her world was a perfect world right then, wishing she had never met him and made him a part of her life in the first place.


	6. Disenchanted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is the only one in first person POV, mainly because I always see My Chemical Romance's Disenchanted as some sort of accusation. It's Hiyori's POV, though I think that, by current Bleach time, she's abandoned those views. I don't see Shinji and Hiyori's relationship as romantic (I know how obnoxious that sounds, but I always see them as brother and sister), but you can read it as such, if you'd like.

They smile, and say you'll be all right; that you belong, that you're part of something important. It's a lie.

It might have been so, once, but what made us part of something important wasn't those Squads, or those damn Shinigami. It was us, all of us. How important we were to each other.

You're a coward, Shinji.

Now that Aizen's gone, you want to go on pretending nothing ever happened, to pretend you actually belong.

But you can't belong where no one ever did. You, especially, can't hide from what you are.

Has it ever meant something to you?


	7. Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon has it that Shinji and Hiyori were part of a Rukongai-based family (like Hitsugaya's and Hinamori's, for example), and that, at first, Shinji feels a bit like he lost his ground when he moves to Soul Society, because Hiyori's not around, and because they parted on bad terms. Again, I don't see Shinji and Hiyori's relationship as romantic, but you can read it as such.
> 
> Based on Home, by Goo Goo Dolls.

There are moments when he feels artificial.

It's usually when he and the other captains are out drinking, and the bar is full of smiles and faces he'll never remember; when everyone is laughing and their honest laughter touches a place in his heart that hurts.

The upside-down scowl comes easily still, and he wonders whether they can see his loneliness. Hiyori surely would.

When he feels like that, he ends up staying awake, wondering whether she's awake, whether she's thinking of him.

"I didn't have a choice," he mutters, but wonders if leaving was the right thing to do.


	8. If There's a Rocket Tie Me to It

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, more of Shinji missing Hiyori really badly. This one is based off Snow Patrol's If There's a Rocket Tie Me to It.

Two weeks later, he finds a hair on one of his sleeves.

He's going through some Earth clothes, figuring out what he's going to keep and what he isn't; the hair, long and blond and spiky, is hidden on the sleeve of one of his favorite shirts.

He drops his chore and just sits and stares at it. The shades of their hair are almost the same, but not quite; in the sun, he can see the hair is brighter than his.

He hopes she won't break like he's breaking.

He ends up keeping everything, looking out for little treasures.


	9. When You Were Young

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sort of fascinated by Shinji and Momo's relationship, be it romantic or purely platonic (I like the romance better, though). The fact that, in different ways, Aizen occupies such an important place in their lives, and the fact that they're still grieving him in a way makes for really intriguing chemistry. Also, in my head, Shinji has a huge guilt complex over Aizen's actions, because he alone recognized the threat of Aizen and still failed to stop him; since Momo's massive breakdown was a result of Aizen's actions, I think Shinji feels guilty about it too. Yay for interesting relationships!
> 
> This one is based in When You Were Young, by The Killers. (Always thought of that song as a tragic song, I'm not sure why.)

It's a simple thing, an almost cliché in her hands; the poem in Aizen's calligraphy hidden under a handful of Academy uniforms, a sheet of paper crumpled with care.

"I – I'm sorry, Hirako-taichou," Momo stammers, and tries to keeps the tears at bay.

He thinks of what she must have been before Aizen had his way with her. A brilliant, innocent thing, most likely; underneath the sunny smile, fire and stubborn idealism that lives on as a cracked mirror. Waiting for a beautiful boy.

"Stop worrying about it," he says brusquely, unsettled by the grief he feels over that girl.


	10. Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another thing that fascinates me in Shinji and Momo's relationship is their mutual need to overcome Aizen, to start trusting again. The fact that they're both in the exact position that Aizen used to occupy in their lives would only make the process of getting over Aizen more difficult... I wish Kubo showed us more of how exactly the things between the two of them go.
> 
> This one's based on Simon, by Lifehouse. (Am I the only one who always thinks of Simon Tam when listening to that song?)

It's never something stated between them, words out in the open; rather, it's in the eyes always looking down, in the mouth slightly pursed when he trades the orders for the kind words, in the ways she crouches and hides whenever he shows up.

He doesn't need it to be said in words. He's been there.

So, slowly, ever so slowly, he reaches; a hand on her shoulder, a thoughtful question. He talks about himself, listens to her instead of just waiting for his turn to speak.

"Don't worry, I've felt the same," he says. "I've got your back, Momo."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so very much for reading it! Please let me know what you think!


End file.
